Illuminating the subtle but crucial difference between codependence and compassion, Jack outlines how to set boundaries and live from our unique truth.
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“Codependence means being an accomplice, a kind of complicity with someone who’s acting in a self-destructive way, being dependent on their behavior, or supporting it somehow for your own security.” – Jack Kornfield
In this episode, Jack sheds mindful light on:
- The subtle but crucial difference between compassion and codependence
- Trying to fix it or save someone instead of allowing them to taste the fruits of their karmas
- Feeling locked into supporting someone’s destructive behavior
- The lack of feeling secure leading to needing to over-control
- Needing to fix someone else’s problems because we can’t live with it in ourself
- How we are all accomplices to a codependent society
- Mother Teresa and seeking to love the world instead of trying to fix it
- The necessity of balancing compassion practice with equanimity practice
- The spiritual importance of disharmony and the value of suffering
- Boundaries and the ability to say “no”
- Ownership, possessiveness, and the trouble with believing our roles
- The Bhagavad Gita and acting from our hearts without attachment to the fruit of the action
- Living our our unique truth amidst the mystery
This Dharma Talk from 9/1/1989 at was originally published on DharmaSeed.
“We are all heirs to our own karma, we have created our own lives. We can love and assist others, but in the end, no one can create a life for someone else, no one can change another person’s fate. We are the ones that create what will happen for us.” – Jack Kornfield
“Can we seek to love the world instead of trying to fix it? It is possible to be in a codependent relationship with the ills of the society, so we have to start looking within ourselves. What does it mean to do good? Mother Teresa taught in her work in Calcutta in the death and dying centers, ‘We’re not social workers. Our work is not to take people off the streets and clothes them and feed them. The government could do that. Our work is to bring to the people that we touch the spirit and the love of God that has touched us. The rest of it is just the vehicle to communicate that spirit.’ It’s a very different way of approaching solving a problem.'” – Jack Kornfield
About Jack Kornfield:
Jack Kornfield trained as a Buddhist monk in the monasteries of Thailand, India, and Burma, studying as. a monk under the Buddhist master Ven. Ajahn Chah, as well as the Ven. Mahasi Sayadaw. He has taught meditation internationally since 1974 and is one of the key teachers to introduce Buddhist mindfulness practice to the West. Jack co-founded the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts, with fellow meditation teachers Sharon Salzberg and Joseph Goldstein and the Spirit Rock Center in Woodacre, California. His books have been translated into 20 languages and sold more than a million copies.
Dive into Jack’s ongoing dharma offerings and transformational online courses on the new JackKornfield.com
Listen to more from Jack:
Tune into Ep. 109 of Heart Wisdom: This Too Shall Pass
Learn about Living with a Peaceful Heart in Ep. 91 of Heart Wisdom
Check out Ep. 90 of Heart Wisdom to learn about Healing Through Loving Awareness
Listen to more Stories That Open the Mind, Mend the Heart and Lead to Joy with Jack Kornfield in Ep.92 of Heart Wisdom
Tune into Ep. 102 of Heart Wisdom: The Wisdom of the One Who Knows
Check out Ep. 1 of Heart Wisdom to gain wisdom on Impermanence
Photo via Max4e Photo