Mindrolling – Raghu Markus – Ep. 467 – Work, Parent, Thrive with Yael Schonbrun

Yael Schonbrun joins Raghu to talk working, parenting, healthy relationships, projection, curiosity, and thriving in our roles.

Yael Schonbrun is a licensed clinical psychologist, assistant professor at Brown University, and writer about parenting, work, and relationships. In her work, she draws on scientific research, clinical experience, and real life experiences with three small superheroes who provide with constant inspiration. Her new book, Work, Parent Thrive, offers a fresh perspective on working parenthood and a scientifically-backed approach to a happier and more successful life with multiple demanding roles.

Science & Spirituality // Thriving in Our Roles

After diving into how Maharaj-ji’s ‘Sab-Ek’ (all one) teachings connect science and spirituality much in the same way His Holiness the Dalai Lama is bridging Tibetan wisdom and neuroscience, Raghu invites author, parent, teacher, and psychologist, Yael Schonbrun to share how she came to find her life path in exploring how we can thrive in our daily roles like parenting, working, and relationships – all key themes discussed in her new book: Work, Parent Thrive.

“I love the work His Holiness Dalai Lama is doing to bring together the ancient wisdom of Tibet and proving it out through neuroscience and experimentation. He’s bringing it all into: there is only one thing going on in this universe, and it’s expressed in many different ways.” – Raghu Markus

Raghu & friends discuss the connection between science & spirituality, on Ep. 435 of Mindrolling
Enriching Parenting with Work, Enriching Work with Parenting (12:08)

Speaking to how we often compartmentalize our roles and feel when we step into one role we are no longer watering the garden of other important parts of ourselves, Yael illuminates examples of how we can actually use work to help our parenting, and use parenting to aid our roles at work.

“Even though you’re pressed to step out of one role—which feels like you’re taking away—if we change our frame of mind and see it as an opportunity to build skills that can beneficially feed back into the role that we’re stepping away from, it offers us this expansive perspective that is really helpful.” – Yael Schonbrun

“Having multiple roles gives us opportunity to balance a stressful experience in one role with a positive experience in another, which helps to take the edge off.” – Yael Schonbrun

Jack Kornfield offers spiritual wisdom on the path of parenting, on Ep. 155 of Heart Wisdom
Ruth Bader Ginsberg // Healthy Relationships & The Space In Between (28:01)

Raghu prompts Yael to discuss how the trials and tribulations that the legendary Ruth Bader Ginsberg had to endure in her life, and how applying wisdom around our roles in similar ways can help us to better navigate difficulties that arise throughout our own lives. Through this lens, they discuss how flipping roles can help us get out of ‘problem-focused mind’ and allow solutions to spring forth from the natural spaciousness that hopping roles can allow. From here, they dive into the science and spirituality of healthy relationships.

“We each come into relationships with our own history and story, and when conflict arises we tend to drop into our story and get narrow. The more we recognize our tendency to do that, to drop into ‘this is my truth and I need to convince you of it,’ we recognize our partner is also dropping into that truth. The productive path is to together develop a shared story, something that exists beyond the two of you that exists almost in the space between you. That helps the two of you move away from a ‘me vs you’ to an ‘us together encountering life’s challenges as a team.'” –Yael Schonbrun

Ram Dass discusses relationships & living impeccably, on Ep. 134 of Here & Now
Projection & Curiosity // Spiritual Bypass & Toxic Positivity (42:22)

Yael and Raghu elucidate how we can move past the projections we throw on others, the world, and ourselves. The two get into how we think we always know how someone will react or how a situation will go—which locks us into our own stories, fears, and projections—but if we can connect with a playful curiosity about others and situations, this opens us and others up for healing and growth. To close, they share on how spiritual bypass and toxic positivity breed emotional avoidance, shame, guilt, and doubt; and how we can counteract that by making space for it and allowing ourselves to feel the full gamut of human emotions.