Psychologist and author, Dr. Mitch Abblett, joins Raghu to share about ‘Prizing’ – his mindfulness protocol for parents to connect with their children in the present moment.
Children & Parents // Prizing, Mindfulness, & Showing Up
Welcoming psychologist, author, speaker, and podcaster, Mitch Abblett PhD, to Mindrolling; Raghu invites him to share about the subject matter of his new book, Prizeworthy: How to Meaningfully Connect, Build Character & Unlock the Potential of Every Child. From here, they discuss his ‘prizing’ mindfulness protocol for parents ‘showing up fully’ for their children in the present moment.
“[Prizing] is different than praise that has that contingency to it, or an agenda in the future. Prizing is all about mindfulness, it’s all in that moment. It’s these moments of playing peekaboo, and there’s no agenda other than connection with the experience of the kid.” – Mitch Abblett PhD
Sharon Salzberg explores how a mindful parent helps make a mindful child, on Ep. 103 of the Metta Hour
The Moment of Complete We // Becoming Nobody (13:00)
Reflecting on the simple, yet immensely difficult task of ‘being here now’ no matter the situation (especially when dealing with children), Raghu and Dr. Abblett speak to the deep intention and mindful presence involved in moving from the separate ‘me & you’ perspective, instead congealing into what Dr. Abblett describes as “the moment of complete We.” From this vantage, they connect Ram Dass’ ‘Becoming Nobody‘ teachings to the nuances of developing a healthy sense of self while growing up.
“In terms of mindfulness and the reality that there’s a big dependence on where that perspective is within you— if it includes all that judging bullshit that we do moment to moment, it’s not mindfulness. To get there is practice.” – Raghu Markus
“Prizing is like weaponized love on behalf of a child.” – Mitch Abblett PhD
Ram Dass speaks on the transition from ‘somebody to nobody,’ on Ep. 162 of Here & Now
Leave It To… Behavioral Reframing (33:00)
Playing off of a ‘Leave it to Beaver’ allegory, Raghu asks Dr. Abblett to dig into the subject matter of ‘behavioral reframing’ and how it connects to ‘prizing’ and child development. Sharing how when kids misbehave, parents can inquire curiously, rather than labeling as ‘bad’ and reacting harshly, Dr. Abblett relays the inherently transformative power of reframing into open presence and mindful curiosity – a safe and strong container.
“Kids inevitably are going to ‘misbehave,’ and the control conditioning of trying to push away the painful quality of those moments as parents is to see that behavior as ‘bad’ and therefore needing be controlled. The reframe is essentially an inquiry that is curious about how there might be a pain-point in that child, a universal human need is feeling threatened in some way, and their behavior is a self-protective mechanism.” – Mitch Abblett PhD
“It’s worth every bit of intention energy because it’s not them—it’s us! I’m not going be able to do anything for you until we are in this together and I recognize the pain and suffering that you’re having to go through in this moment.” – Raghu Markus