Chris Grosso – The Indie Spiritualist – Ep. 67 – Wired for Love with Stan Tatkin

Chris Grosso – The Indie Spiritualist – Ep. 67 – Wired for Love with Stan Tatkin

Stan Tatkin, author of Wired for Love, joins Chris for a conversation about developing secure functioning relationships and navigating conflict with compassion and mindfulness.

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, where he has specialized for the last 15 years in working with couples and individuals who wish to be in relationships. He and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice. Find out more at

Show Notes

Wired for Love (Opening) – Stan talks about his ideas around developing secure functioning relationships. He and Chris discuss the challenges and rewards of establishing a foundation in a relationship based on completely open communication.

“Secure functioning in a relationship basically means that two people, or more, decide that they are going to be fully collaborative, cooperative, fair, just and sensitive. In other words, we expect two person systems to operate as a two-person psychological system based on those principals.” – Stan Tatkin     

Sharing Rituals (8:25) – Chris and Stan talk about the effectiveness of creating and sharing rituals in a relationship. They also discuss the psycho-biological effect that physical connection has in aligning our state of being with our partner.

“If we don’t align a little bit we will see everything a little differently, because state drives memory, memory drives state and state always alters perception. So, if we don’t do this we are liable to crash into each other.” – Stan Tatkin

Sharon Salzberg speaks to Dr. Dan Siegel about the neuroscience behind love, relationships and awareness on Ep. 64 of the Metta Hour Podcast

Fighting Well (12:05) – Conflict inevitably arises in all relationships. Stan discusses the importance of practicing mindfulness and compassion when we find ourselves in these moments and shares techniques we can use to be more present and aware.

“The purpose of an adult relationship is that we are in each other’s care. This is a two-person system, where we manage each other, not ourselves.” – Stan Tatkin

Dating Myths Debunked (25:35) – Stan debunks a few myths about dating and relationships that are common in Western culture.

Wired for Dating (41:05) – Chris and Stan talk about the ways that innovations in technology have affected the way our relationships develop. They discuss how selecting the right partner and being cooperative from the start can help prevent the failure of a relationship.

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Photo by Désirée Fawn on Unsplash